final post

i am back in the usa now and happy to be home. i am forever grateful for having had the opportunity to take part in the march: bearing witness to hope 2012. as much as it made my heart hurt at times, i was able to find strength within myself that i never even knew i had. i am so thankful and appreciative for this amazing experience that will forever change my life. my friends, or should i say "family" that i met this past week are some of the most incredible people and i'm so glad i had the opportunity to share this experience with them. this experience has caused me to look at the world differently. it has not only taught me about history, but also about humanity. i can not wait to take what i learned and share it with others so that an event like the holocaust never happens again. for those of you who took the time to read my blog, THANK YOU! it means so much to me and i hope that through my writing you were able to take away some of what i felt and maybe share it with others, as i plan to. i am so grateful for the support of my parents throughout my trip, their words helped me overcome some of the hardest things i have ever been through. this trip has given me a new perspective on life and i am in great anticipation of where that will take me.
this is my final post for now. i may post in the future after i go to are high schools and share my story with people.
thank you again,
jill

treblinka, tykocin, and closing

we left early this morning for a long drive to a small town called tykocin. upon arrival we entered a beautiful synagogue that was not destroyed during the war, but instead used for military storage. much of the things inside the synagogue were destroyed but the building itself was not and it was restored following the war to it's former beauty. we walked through the town and heard the story of tykocin. the tykocin pogrom was the mass murder of approximately 1,700 jews. they were taken to the market square where they were told they would be "resettled" but instead they were taken to the lopuchowo forest. the marched to the forest; men, women, and children, and were executed in waved in to pits by an s.s. firing squad. there were 3 different mass graves with memorials, candles, pebbles, flowers, and words to commemorate those whose lives were innocently and rapidly taken. however, not only where these innocent people shot in to mass graves, they were also made to strip their clothes and stand naked. how humiliating and degrading. this is all part of nazi dehumanization. to die in that manner is a tragic death indeed. as i looked at these sites the mass grave was fenced in and you could tell exactly where it was because the ground was extremely bumpy. i once again, felt sick to my stomach. as we walked both in to the forrest and out (which not many people were able to do) everyone was in complete silence. you could hear birds chirping, the sky was blue. but i took special time to think about the trees, who have stood the test of time and have seen it all. they saw the atrocities committed here and they see me mourn those lost right before their eyes. we boarded the bus and drove for a few hours until we reached treblinka, which is now just a memorial. there are blocks on the ground to symbolize train tracks and then as you turn you see a rock with each different countries name on it. as you approach the main memorial there are thousand and thousands of rocks with different cities written on them, each symbolizing a city effected by the shoah (holocaust). i found the stone for krakow and put a pebble on it. i also put a pebble on the stone for korczak. we debriefed in a circle, boarded the bus, and headed to dinner. after dinner we did our closing ceremony where we sang songs and read poems and thanked the many people who made this trip possible and what it was. i am so thankful to jamie, dr. susan nowak, and professor dobkowski for their leadership and organizing this trip. i thank meghan robinson, beth, richard salter, and bonnie abrahams for their support. i thank president gearan for laughing at my jokes. i thank our tour guides, basha, sharon, and micheal for sharing their wealth of knowledge with us. i thank my fellow marchers for their friendships and their input. however, most importantly, i thank sally and henry for their strength and ability to share their stories with us. there were two things that i was told about this trip that i once did not believe when first told, but have found to be very true. 1) you will laugh as much as you cry (or in my case laugh so hard it makes you cry) and 2) within this week the other students will become like your family, and through that strength i was able to share my story with people that were once strangers to me.
thats all for now, it is late and we have an early flight tomorrow. however, keep an eye out for my posts still in the next few days because i will continue to reflect.
xoxo
jill

synagogue

memorial around mass grave in the forrest

more of memorial

more of memorial

treblinka

some of the countries effected

janusz korczak (who died with his orphans)

treblinka memorial

some of the girls with sally

me and andrew with sally

majdanek

today was another tough day. actually, worse than auschwitz and birkenau a few days ago. i found strength within myself today that i didn't even know i had. early this morning we set off to view a graveyard that has stood the test of time. it was not destroyed during the holocaust, and is the final resting place for thousands of jews within the walls of the warsaw ghetto when we arrived to majdanek on this beautiful sunny day in lublin, poland, people complained of the heat. we walked to a large monument that overlooks this "extermination factory," or as i like to call it, hell on earth. to stand there and look down at one of the most horrific places on the face of the earth was terrifying. we walked down the steps and entered the camp which was surrounded by barb wire and watch towers. you feel like you are trapped. we took some time to look around, walked past the doctors house, and then prepared to enter the gas chamber. there were 2 gas chambers at majdanek, but one was not functioning. the one we visited appeared as though you could almost turn it on with a light switch and it would run just as it did so many years ago. as i stood in front of the building i was extremely hesitant, trying to hang towards the back of our group, as i knew what i was about to see was one of the greatest places of human suffering. i entered and walked through rooms that were used for disinfection. then as we entered the back of the building i knew what was ahead of me and my hesitation heightened. so many prisoners did not know what lay ahead in what they thought was just a daily shower. i contemplated not even entering and just turning around but i would have regretted it as it is my duty to view these horrific places and share what i witnessed with others in order to fight ignorance and on a bigger scale, intolerance. i instantly felt sick to my stomach as i slowly approached the room. i thought of all the pain and suffering that occurred right beneath my very feet. there was a small hole in the door for viewing so the nazi's could see wether or not they were all dead. there was also a room to the side where they administered the gas and also had a window to view. stepping in to that room i felt extremely, for lack of a better word, dirty. to stand where nazi's stood, watching innocent people have their lives taken from them, such untimely deaths. i felt nauseous. there was another room to the gas chamber to see. i just stood there for a few minutes and just looked, partially in disbelief. you could literally see the scratches on the wall from fingernails, also sickening. i walked out and stepped aside to take what i had just seen all in and then decided to go back and look on more time, despite how hard it was, in order to etch in my mind what had been etched in the walls of these extermination chambers, the tragedy of human pain and suffering that is like no other. we carried on and i tended to stay towards the back of the group with my friend, john. we walked in silence, despite a few questions regarding the things we walked past. we continued on an then entered a barrack. 12 people to a "bunk." how did they even fit? i will never know, and i hope not to. we went up hill where you could see something that i already knew a little about and my hesitation returned. i knew what lay ahead of me was the pile of ashes from prisoners inside a memorial, but open for viewing. i took my time walking up the hill, and then walking up the steps and as i reached the top i saw the most horrific sight i have seen in my entire life that is guaranteed to haunt me for a long time to come. i instantly separated myself from the few other students that were up there because i knew i was getting upset and prefer to mourn alone. i stood there and looked at this massive pile of ashes of 27,000 people that became one in their final resting state. the tears began to roll down my face and i put my head down and just thought. i looked out over the camp, and i continued to cry. i probably spent 30 minutes by myself in front of these ashes crying. i couldn't understand how anyone could do this. those who's ashes are inside of this memorial will never get to leave this godforsaken place. i thought of how i walked out of the gas chambers, while so many were not able to. eventually i was able to calm myself down, wipe away the tears, and view the crematoria. as i exited the building that housed the crematoria, all i could think of was why? i can't even imagine. i joined my group in time for our ceremony where i read "each of us has a name," a story of the uniqueness of each prisoner. the ceremony continue and i continued to have a difficult time but at the end was able to read an email that my mom wrote me a few days ago after auschwitz but today it seemed so much more fitting. today my mom was all of the marchers moms. as we headed back to the bus i realized i had lost my white sweater. i went to look for it and the bus waited but i was unable to find it. at first i was upset and then i thought deeply about the significance. my sweater was white, a color of innocence. i hope it can warm up an innocent who was sent here to die in any condition, rain or shine. we got on the bus, headed to warsaw, got dinner and made it back to the hotel.

that's it for today

-jill

at the cemetery

memorial and majdanek

outside the gas chamber

in front of the gas chamber

showers

viewing hole in door of gas chamber

majdanek

barb wire

the ashes are inside of this memorial

cremetoria

our group at dinner in old warsaw

on to warsaw!

early this morning we left krakow and headed to warsaw. along the way we stopped at a jewish cemetery that had a memorial to 42 children who were murdered. we made a few bathroom stops and a stop for lunch and then finally arrived in warsaw. we visited several memorials. one was at a location where many jewish transports were made to treblinka. another was for janusz korczak, who ran the orphanage in the ghetto. korczak was given the chance to save himself when the children were being deported but he decided to go with them instead of abandoning them, and thus suffered their inevitable fate. next, we traveled to the ghetto. the ghetto can not really be seen as it was burned to the ground. however, a few pieces of wall still exist. while our group was gathered by one of the walls and old man came out of his house and begun speaking to me in polish. obviously, i don't know polish, but we were fortunate enough to have survivor sally wasserman with us who was able to translate. they held hands and he told her how happy he was to see us there and he went inside his house. he came back out a minute later with a huge book on his hand and pointed to the 5 on it, symbolizing that it was the 5th volume. as he opened the book we saw hundreds of signatures and messages and multiple languages from many countries. it was the coolest thing. he asked us to sign his book as well. he has lived there since 1950 and has been the unofficial caretaker for the memorial within the ghetto. for the last 40 years he has been doing these books. the man is 91 years old. he said sometimes he comes out to see people and they won't talk to him or sign his book and it upsets him. he was the absolute sweetest. something much of our group has struggled with thus far was seeing life go on around these places of tragedy as if nothing ever happened and all has been forgotten. this old man proved to me otherwise. he gave me hope, and for that i am thankful. next, we traveled to mila 18, which was the headquarters of the jewish resistance for the warsaw ghetto uprising. we listened to the story and then visited the memorial. the memorial is actually on top of their graves. i placed a stone on top and took some time to reflect. we then traveled to our new hotel, had a little time to get settled in, and then met up for dinner at the hotel. following dinner we were extremely privileged to listen to the story of a righteous gentile during world war two who housed 15 jews in her house for 2 years and 8 months during nazi occupation of poland. this woman was truly inspiring, giving me more hope for mankind. to put your own life as well as your family's lives on the line in order to save someone elses is absolutely remarkable. after dinner one night before i left for this trip i sat my dad down to talk to him about something that had been troubling me. i told him that if i were in that situation would a be a bystander or a righteous gentile. honestly, i don't know if i would risk my families lives to save a stranger, but listening to this woman speak was remarkable. for the rest of the night we debriefed and i hung out with my new friends!
-jill

at the cemertery

the 91 year old man and fatima signing on behalf of all of us on the march

the wall of the warsaw ghetto

memorial at a deportation site

memorial for the warsaw ghetto uprising

the memorial on top of the mass grave at mila 18

sally with the new memorial in the back ground

righteous among the nations, yad vashem

righteous gentile, sally, and bashja who was our translator tonight

me and a righteous gentile

relaxing day

This morning we listened to professor dobkowski speak to us about his parents story. It was very interesting to me because I always loved the movie “defiance” because it exposed to me a part of the holocaust that I never had known about before I watched it. his parents both hid out in the woods and that is how they survived so to hear their story was huge for me. then we walked to old Krakow where we saw various synagogues and listened to the rest of sally’s story of survival. Following that we got lunch on our own and myself and a group of some of the other students went on a quest to find pierogies. We found a nice restaurant and were able to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine on such a beautiful day in Krakow. The pierogies were relatively cheap (15 zloty=$4.40 u.s.) and absolutely delicious. After we in front of the Krakow ghetto. We were supposed to go in a check out the buildings and schindler’s factory, however, as usual, things did not go as planned. I was disappointed that we did not get to see these sights. So today was an overall very light day for us. The weather was phenomenal and we got to really enjoy our stay in Krakow. We listened to president mark gearan from hws speak to us about service and then spent some time debriefing in smaller sized groups. Next we went to dinner at an excellent restaurant in downtown Krakow where we were served a multi-course meal. We were given bread at our table. Then, they brought over giant bread bowls with a soup that was different, but good. Next, we had our pierogies, which were a variety of potato, cabbage, and beef. Throughout our meal we saw some traditional polish dancing and listened to some music and they invited some of us up to dance. One of the guys picked me and I was so embarrassed but he just kept twirling me around so I was able to manage, but my cheeks were still red i’m sure. Then we were given a sort of flaky cake with a different filling that was like cheesecake but much much lighter, if that even makes any sense! For the rest of the night we had free time and I wanted to spend it checking out some of the shops but everyone else had booze on the mind so we spent some time searching for a bar. A lot of the bars were crowded because a big soccer game was on tv tonight. While we were searching we found one of those beer bike carts I described the other day, so of course I had to check it out! It was great, a bunch of us decided to do it, including professor dobkowski, president gearan, and another one of the hws professors. It was the funniest thing. We drove around downtown and cheered as we passed people. We peddled away and drank our hearts out and had a blast. It was honestly one of my most favorite things I have ever done. Next we got ice cream (strange, I know) but it cost 4 zloty and I only had a 50 so president gearan paid for me, it was very nice. The old guys went back to the hotel and the kids hit up the bar and club seen. Everywhere there are girls that hand you coupons for drinks at the bar. We went to one and had a lot of fun dancing. It is interesting to listen to the music there. We heard songs such as “uptown girl” “it’s my life” and the song that’s in the shaving commercials that goes “I’m your venus, I’m your fire, your desire.” But we had a great time dancing and it started to get late so a few people headed back but the rest of us went on looking for more places to check out. One place wouldn't let us in because a few of the guys were wearing sneakers. The next place i.d.ed us but it was funny because they didn’t know where to find our date of birth on our license. I danced with a boy from Britain. Oh, European boys :P that’s it for tonight. I had a lot of fun. We all needed it after yesterday.

Goodnight!

-jill

synagogue in krakow

sally after telling us her story of survival

group after lunch

memorial outside of the krakow ghetto

market square

me and my roommate, laura, in market square

some of the group

most of the group

me and my new friend lisa (hws, from brooklyn)

dancers

market square at night

myself, margaret, and andrew on the beer bike cart

lisa, john, and i on the beer cart

president gearan, professor dobkowski, and professor salter

me and lisa with a few british boys we met dancing

auschwitz and birkenau

today my heart hurts. this was the longest and hardest day of my life. part of me is speechless, and the other part is overwhelmed with emotions and corresponding words to describe them. i cried today. i told myself i wouldn't and tried to be strong but at certain times i could not help it. we visited auschwitz this morning and at first i was surprisingly put off. there were tons of people also trying to tour the camp and it was hectic. we were given a headset that we listened to our tour guide on. it was so crowded it was nearly impossible to take pictures without getting other tourists in them. that took away from the initial reaction. then we went in to a building (also crowded) and so many documents and pictures. it all seemed, for lack of a better word, "artificial." everything was behind glass, like a regular museum. one thing got to me in this building and that was a list of names, about 500 names long, of women that had been gassed in one day. however, the list did not start at 1. it started at 200 or so (indicating that there were many more women who had been gassed). my eyes welled up but i carried on and went to the next building which was of things collected from prisoners. here we saw suitcases, glasses, prayer shawls, cooking ware, but what first really, really hit me, was when we walked in to the room with hair piled high behind the glass. brown hair, blonde hair, curly hair, straight hair. and it broke my heart. such dehumanization. all of the sudden 6 million became much, much less as i looked at the separate pony tails stacked on top of one another. we carried on across the hall to another room. and this room is where i really broke down, which was ironic because it was the one room i told myself i wouldn't cry over because it's cliche. but when i saw the shoes, piled, so many, there had to be thousands, i couldn't hold back as hard as i tried. a number of years ago i visited the u.s. holocaust memorial museum in d.c. and the shoes got to me then too, but i was much younger. today it started with a few tears, and then it was beyond my control. people from my group came to my side to comfort me but i needed to be alone. to think. to break down that 6 million and put a person in those shoes, as i put myself in them. it was a lot about individualization today and breaking down that large number, putting faces with stories, and lives with each victim. this all made me feel sick to my stomach. we continued to "tour" the camp and saw an area where prisoners were shot against the wall, my eyes welled up here too, and i prayed for them. we continued on past some of the nazi official's homes at the camp, guard towers, gallows, and then finally to the gas chamber and crematoria. haunting rooms. our tour came to a close and we met up with all of the marchers and had lunch on the grass, however, i chose not to eat as i still felt sick to my stomach, and thus was not hungry, and it also felt strange to eat plentifully in a place where so many once starved right behind the barb wire. we then started the march portion of our trip. we arrived at the tracks and took pictures of a cattle car and then formed a circle and shared who we marched for. today i marched for the present day victims of anti-semetism and for the first survivor i ever heard speak, the late angie suss paul. we marched two by two in silence to birkenau, "the death factory," where henry, the survivor who is accompanying us was sent to. upon first arrival, this place was the closest thing i have ever seen to hell on earth. there was barb wire every where with so many barracks and watch towers it was disgusting. we went in to one of the men's barracks and listened to sally wasserman, the other survivor traveling with us tell her story. it was very touching. she talked mostly about her parents and 6 year old brother who were killed here. she survived because a family hid her, so she was never actually at a camp and did not share her experience with her rescuers yet. her talking about her parents and brother made me think of my family and that also broke my heart because they are everything to me. they mean so much to me that thinking about being separated from them is something that pains me to think about. we went in to another barrack and got to talk to henry for a bit. we carried on to see some of the ruins when the camps were bombed and had a lot of discussion. all of the marchers then got together and we listened to the second third of henry's story. we circled up, sang some songs, listened to some poems, and headed back home after a long day. tonight we had shabbat and it was very exciting. before starting we all took some time to reflect. shabbat is used to heal, and after what we saw today, we needed that more than ever. professor dobkowski led us in prayer and then we had dinner. following dinner we had our nightly "debriefing." i really enjoyed the conversation today. today reached a lot of peoples hearts in so many different ways. i got to know people so much more. today i shared my story, and perhaps that was the hardest thing of all. i was hesitant at first because i didn't know if it was appropriate or if the time was right or even if i wanted to. however, after henry's daughter jan spoke about listening to stories not just from survivors but from people who are victims today it seemed slightly fitting. for those of you who don't know and are reading this, i was once a victim of antisemitism. i expressed to my friends here on the march the importance of recognizing that antisemitism is still an issue. this opened up further conversation about current day issues and our duty to make a difference in one way or another after going on this journey. i really valued this conversation. by sharing my story with my new friends, it may very well have helped me as much as it helped them. after our debriefing many of the trip leaders came up to me and were very appreciative and apologetic to me. they made me feel better about sharing my story and i'm glad i did.
that's all for tonight. another light night and early morning. 
-jill

arbreit macht frei

"work sets you free"

auschwitz I

survivor henry silberstern

auschwitz I

survivor sally wasserman

self explanatory.

wall against which prisoners were shot with memorial.

barb wire

auschwitz I

crematoria

sally telling us her story in the birkenau barrack

henry speaking to his family in another barrack.

from left to right: henry's grandson (dan), henry, henry's son in law, henry's other grandson, and henry's daughter (jan)

stones commemorating those lost amongst the ruins